1. The Elves: Short, light green and exploited – but organised.
2. The keen interest in stockings: Plenty do still judge.
3. Pet Reindeers (one of whom has a swollen nose):  Celebrities with unusual pet animals are statistically more likely to face a hostile press (see Bubbles the chimp).*
4. Deciding who is naughty and nice: Why make an enemy of the naughty? Those who receive coal will one day learn to throw it.
5. Kissing Mummy: A protest song is on the cusp of going viral and #santakissedmymumtoo is trending like a sensible winter coat on twitter.
6. Working one day a year: Large chalet, shiny boots and a flying car – yet he works one day a year. Does not chime with a global population facing austerity measures.
7. The true meaning of Christmas: Often said not to be Santa Claus. This flies in the face of much of his key messaging.
8. The Snowman (Mr Frosty): He has a far more compelling emotional narrative/carrot nose. Previously an invaluable third party advocate, Frosty now wants his own day in the sun (yes I know).
9. People that “don’t believe in him”: This is getting existential.
10. The little boy that Santa Claus forgot: This kid could bring the whole show down.

*The exception to this rule is George Clooney and his former pet pig.